I'm lying in bed watching the lightening from my window. Makes a change to the last two nights waking up to look out at foxes shagging. (The second most exciting thing to have happened in Bookham all year) The most horrendous noise, isn't it? Awful.
Oooh I've just seen Evil, the big horrid cat that bullies mine every chance he gets, out in the storm, trying to find somewhere safe to shelter. I feel a bit bad now for throwing stones at him yesterday. I didn't mean it, Evil! I'm sorry! He'll be soaked through now. Poor puss.
Reggie's on the window sill. Delilah's hiding. I can't concentrate on sleeping with all this electricity leaping through my window, it's hurting my head!
I'm a bit scared now. It's really loud. I might cry, like that boy in my class in year 5. Whenever it thundered he'd cry and then piss himself. He did the self same thing when Kelly bought in her pet snakes! Show and tell. Fancy that. I took in a dead spider crab once. It smelt and fell to pieces before I walked round the block to school.
Oh god. I'm bored and I can't sleep. X
Friday, 17 July 2009
Friday, 5 June 2009
The week that was...
Saturday... Being useless, I missed both the England and The Lion's rugby matches much to my utter devastation. Went out for my birthday with the family to the local Italian. Filled our mouths with after dinner mints and proceeded to walk home spitting them at each other. Mum started it. We had a garden party in the dark, Dad worked the living room / patio as the DJ, cold white wine a-plenty, fun times. Tom - you owe me money still.
Sunday... Seems so far away now, but the shame I encountered on my way home from Somerfields past the Bookham Baptist Church is still fairly immense. Accidentally mooned the entire congregation walking past when a strong gust of wind got the better of my dress. Sorry Vicar! Sincere apologies. Morning was definitely broken after that.
Monday... Reggie (my cat) got Chlamydia of the eye. Can you believe it? An STD in the eye. What on earth has he been doing? It's nothing to do with the company I keep I can assure you!
Tuesday... I caught Reggie behind my bedroom door strangling himself on a brown paper shopping bag. Luckily I was on hand to save him. Maybe it was the stress and the shame of the Chlamydia that drove him to try to hang himself. Delilah is just too cool for STDs and attempted suicides. I left them to it and went round Erika's for a BBQ. I got lost on the way. Well, we do live in the country.
Wednesday... I went shopping in Knightsbridge and came to the conclusion that in general, (sweeping statements) the people of Knightsbridge need slaps. Apart from the nice lady behind the Clinique make-up counter in Harrods. She was lovely. And looked like she'd already been slapped, in the face, with too much make up.
Thursday... Was quite a good day in all - VOTED, (did we shiiiiit) then went to High Wycombe to headline at the Nag's Head. AND they had a jukebox. Although what is it with these new jukeboxes? They have such a poor selection of songs on them. I thought they linked up to itunes or something now a-days. Got back home late. Had a crank. Not really.
Friday... I've just come back from lunching with one of my bestest pals Risa. Running a bath. Heading out for a chinese and some drinks in Esher with my sister. Making the most of Surrey! Hoorah.
...What a dire read. Who reads this anyway?! Hahahahaha... I salute you, if you do! x
Sunday... Seems so far away now, but the shame I encountered on my way home from Somerfields past the Bookham Baptist Church is still fairly immense. Accidentally mooned the entire congregation walking past when a strong gust of wind got the better of my dress. Sorry Vicar! Sincere apologies. Morning was definitely broken after that.
Monday... Reggie (my cat) got Chlamydia of the eye. Can you believe it? An STD in the eye. What on earth has he been doing? It's nothing to do with the company I keep I can assure you!
Tuesday... I caught Reggie behind my bedroom door strangling himself on a brown paper shopping bag. Luckily I was on hand to save him. Maybe it was the stress and the shame of the Chlamydia that drove him to try to hang himself. Delilah is just too cool for STDs and attempted suicides. I left them to it and went round Erika's for a BBQ. I got lost on the way. Well, we do live in the country.
Wednesday... I went shopping in Knightsbridge and came to the conclusion that in general, (sweeping statements) the people of Knightsbridge need slaps. Apart from the nice lady behind the Clinique make-up counter in Harrods. She was lovely. And looked like she'd already been slapped, in the face, with too much make up.
Thursday... Was quite a good day in all - VOTED, (did we shiiiiit) then went to High Wycombe to headline at the Nag's Head. AND they had a jukebox. Although what is it with these new jukeboxes? They have such a poor selection of songs on them. I thought they linked up to itunes or something now a-days. Got back home late. Had a crank. Not really.
Friday... I've just come back from lunching with one of my bestest pals Risa. Running a bath. Heading out for a chinese and some drinks in Esher with my sister. Making the most of Surrey! Hoorah.
...What a dire read. Who reads this anyway?! Hahahahaha... I salute you, if you do! x
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Roll up, roll up!
The day is upon us! Slashed Seat Affair's debut album is released, and is now on iTunes.
Just click the button below
'Noises' is our debut album and one we're really bloody proud of, truth be told. Blood, sweat and tears spring to mind, and that's just Darren, Rob and Noel!
It's the start of a journey for us as a band and lyrically, the album has definitely been a journey for me... It's one I hope you'll want to share with us and pretty simply, that's it. We're going to shut up now and let the lyrics and the music speak for itself...
We hope you love it as much as we do.
THANK YOU, as ever.
Ellie (Saluting). xxx
Just click the button below
'Noises' is our debut album and one we're really bloody proud of, truth be told. Blood, sweat and tears spring to mind, and that's just Darren, Rob and Noel!
It's the start of a journey for us as a band and lyrically, the album has definitely been a journey for me... It's one I hope you'll want to share with us and pretty simply, that's it. We're going to shut up now and let the lyrics and the music speak for itself...
We hope you love it as much as we do.
THANK YOU, as ever.
Ellie (Saluting). xxx
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Real time blog: 2305 20th April. Bookham.
Bolt upright in bed.
I am lying in bed with my head on the window sill. The cats are also on the window sill. All three of us. On the sill.
The freakiest thing is happening outside. I am fairly scared. Times like this you wish you had a dog. Or a bloke. Or your dad downstairs like the old days!
There is literally a helicopter in my back garden. Its search light is shining in through my window. It is like Chessington World of Adventures at my back door. What the fuck is going on? It's been going round in circles for ten minutes or more.
The cats are freaked out, I am freaked out. We're still on the sill. I text Erika who lives up the road (shout out - best mate) and she's up and can see and hear it too.
This is a live up to the minute blog people. I feel like I am in War of the Worlds! Without the music. Because then I'd be less about the sill and more about the toilet. I hate that sound track. Scary.
Shit! Can they see me? Shit! They're shining it in my face at the window! Shit! What have I done? Shit! Had two glasses of rose in All Bar One at Waterloo with Darren and Phil. I suppose visiting All Bar One is a crime in itself, punishable by surrey police. Officer, officer, it wasn't me - I didn't really go into All Bar One. Darren made me!
Oh here they come round again! - bright lights, bright lights! Maybe I should move away from the window. Are they after me? I am now peeking through the curtains. This is like the bit in the BFG where the little girl gets caught sneaking a peek! Or some other show I've watched online recently.
Might go knock on Don's door. (The magician guy) but maybe they're after Don! Don up to no good with his magic tricks!
Cats have run off to hide. Still circulating. Wish my mum and dad were here! All alone! Deviants here, in Bookham! Is it any wonder I caught a middle aged lady hiding in the bush at the train station last week? It all rings true to me now. Too true.
I've inadvertently moved into the UK's crime hotspot. They all look innocent and law abiding enough. Well, don't try and tell me it's an underage bar drinker. This is full on police camera (me on my blackberry) action.
Oh.
Stopped.
They've gone. So what does that mean? Murderers in Bookham! Wandering the streets in plain clothes like ordinary people! They've only gone and let them get away with it. Given up, shift over, flown home, Krispy Kreme doughnuts en route. Useless! Send prison is only a stone's throw away on reflection. Can of worms!
I'm shutting my windows. Bolting down the hatches. (Not quite the phrase, is it?....).
Tomorrow I'm getting myself a dog. Or a bloke.
Night...... (Hiding under my duvet)
2317 April 20th. Over. And out. But innocent.
I am lying in bed with my head on the window sill. The cats are also on the window sill. All three of us. On the sill.
The freakiest thing is happening outside. I am fairly scared. Times like this you wish you had a dog. Or a bloke. Or your dad downstairs like the old days!
There is literally a helicopter in my back garden. Its search light is shining in through my window. It is like Chessington World of Adventures at my back door. What the fuck is going on? It's been going round in circles for ten minutes or more.
The cats are freaked out, I am freaked out. We're still on the sill. I text Erika who lives up the road (shout out - best mate) and she's up and can see and hear it too.
This is a live up to the minute blog people. I feel like I am in War of the Worlds! Without the music. Because then I'd be less about the sill and more about the toilet. I hate that sound track. Scary.
Shit! Can they see me? Shit! They're shining it in my face at the window! Shit! What have I done? Shit! Had two glasses of rose in All Bar One at Waterloo with Darren and Phil. I suppose visiting All Bar One is a crime in itself, punishable by surrey police. Officer, officer, it wasn't me - I didn't really go into All Bar One. Darren made me!
Oh here they come round again! - bright lights, bright lights! Maybe I should move away from the window. Are they after me? I am now peeking through the curtains. This is like the bit in the BFG where the little girl gets caught sneaking a peek! Or some other show I've watched online recently.
Might go knock on Don's door. (The magician guy) but maybe they're after Don! Don up to no good with his magic tricks!
Cats have run off to hide. Still circulating. Wish my mum and dad were here! All alone! Deviants here, in Bookham! Is it any wonder I caught a middle aged lady hiding in the bush at the train station last week? It all rings true to me now. Too true.
I've inadvertently moved into the UK's crime hotspot. They all look innocent and law abiding enough. Well, don't try and tell me it's an underage bar drinker. This is full on police camera (me on my blackberry) action.
Oh.
Stopped.
They've gone. So what does that mean? Murderers in Bookham! Wandering the streets in plain clothes like ordinary people! They've only gone and let them get away with it. Given up, shift over, flown home, Krispy Kreme doughnuts en route. Useless! Send prison is only a stone's throw away on reflection. Can of worms!
I'm shutting my windows. Bolting down the hatches. (Not quite the phrase, is it?....).
Tomorrow I'm getting myself a dog. Or a bloke.
Night...... (Hiding under my duvet)
2317 April 20th. Over. And out. But innocent.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
...BIG MOUTH STRIKES AGAIN...
I do try my utmost to get through the week without leaving a trail of destruction, smut and innuendo in my wake.
No, really, I do. Best intentions. But somehow, by hook or by crook (or by wine) I end up finding that I must yet again, reprimand myself for my unruly behaviour and promise to do better. 'Why oh why did I say / do that? And to them!' It's the dreaded feeling you get at 5am when the previous evening's escapades all come flooding back. How very unwelcome.
I think it's being in a band with three boys. Yes, I've decided I'm going to blame Noel, Rob and Darren for my deviant behaviour. Although I'm sure my parents would disagree and attribute it to birth, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Obviously, I am talking in riddles, we are not Sex and the City here, you will have to pull this apart and make of it what you will. (I'm just blogging, trying to find something to write about!)
When you spend a considerable amount of time in the company of blokes, and filth is on the menu breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner there's generally speaking, one of two things a girl will do.
Turn their nose up and gawk in general horror at the group habits of males (do I sound like David Attenborough?)
Or
Join in with the lads.
I favour the latter. It's always much more fun. In fact, I can't be sure but ringleader springs to mind. Lowering the tone. Unsavory-ness. No, it can't be me. I really can't tell you anymore, because apparently I'm told (and thank GOD) '...what goes on tour, stays on tour...' (and by the way that was said in unison, by all four of us).
All I will say is..... Noel's gay! Just kidding.
...And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her roman nose
And her Walkman started to melt
Oh ...
Throwing down the gauntlet for band replies!! Stick up for yourself boys, if you dare!
xx
No, really, I do. Best intentions. But somehow, by hook or by crook (or by wine) I end up finding that I must yet again, reprimand myself for my unruly behaviour and promise to do better. 'Why oh why did I say / do that? And to them!' It's the dreaded feeling you get at 5am when the previous evening's escapades all come flooding back. How very unwelcome.
I think it's being in a band with three boys. Yes, I've decided I'm going to blame Noel, Rob and Darren for my deviant behaviour. Although I'm sure my parents would disagree and attribute it to birth, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Obviously, I am talking in riddles, we are not Sex and the City here, you will have to pull this apart and make of it what you will. (I'm just blogging, trying to find something to write about!)
When you spend a considerable amount of time in the company of blokes, and filth is on the menu breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner there's generally speaking, one of two things a girl will do.
Turn their nose up and gawk in general horror at the group habits of males (do I sound like David Attenborough?)
Or
Join in with the lads.
I favour the latter. It's always much more fun. In fact, I can't be sure but ringleader springs to mind. Lowering the tone. Unsavory-ness. No, it can't be me. I really can't tell you anymore, because apparently I'm told (and thank GOD) '...what goes on tour, stays on tour...' (and by the way that was said in unison, by all four of us).
All I will say is..... Noel's gay! Just kidding.
...And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her roman nose
And her Walkman started to melt
Oh ...
Throwing down the gauntlet for band replies!! Stick up for yourself boys, if you dare!
xx
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
'Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves'. Albert Einstein
I'm sitting next to my Nana on the sofa, she's telling me that yesterday she saw pigeons doing it in her back garden. '...Strutting around, making love!...' Funny. Do pigeons make love, or do they just do it?
Welcome to my Easter Sunday blog! Haha.
AND, Nana just saw a cut of our new music video for 'No More Lies' - she likes it, so we now have the official seal of approval.
We're all here for a spot of Sunday lunch. Dad picked me up from the flat in my new car this morning and I drove back. They've not given me full custody of the vehicle yet, as I'm still trying to master the art of driving. Passing your test in a new car does not in any way prepare you (or maybe it's just me) for driving an older car. Get to the bite - forget it. Put your foot down, don't close your eyes and pray.
I don't know about you - (although actually I'm sure Darren might know what I'm on about) but I've started wondering if there is any such thing as (and indeed, whether I might be suffering from a mild case of) 'Driver Tourettes.' On Friday, for example, I was in the car driving up the Seven Hills Road from Weybridge to Cobham and coming round the corner at top speed on the other side of the road was a MASSIVE Tesco lorry. For a fleeting and shit scary moment I thought that I might swerve in front of it, head on collison type thing. Not that I wanted to, au contraire! It's a bit like being on top of a high building and not wanting to stand too close to the edge in case you throw yourself off, by mistake!
Right, I've just eaten the biggest dinner ever. I am off to digest and further consider whether I should actually be on the roads. I miss the easy days of passenger seat driving.
Never Drive Faster than your Guardian Angel can Fly (Author Unknown)
Beep beep!
Welcome to my Easter Sunday blog! Haha.
AND, Nana just saw a cut of our new music video for 'No More Lies' - she likes it, so we now have the official seal of approval.
We're all here for a spot of Sunday lunch. Dad picked me up from the flat in my new car this morning and I drove back. They've not given me full custody of the vehicle yet, as I'm still trying to master the art of driving. Passing your test in a new car does not in any way prepare you (or maybe it's just me) for driving an older car. Get to the bite - forget it. Put your foot down, don't close your eyes and pray.
I don't know about you - (although actually I'm sure Darren might know what I'm on about) but I've started wondering if there is any such thing as (and indeed, whether I might be suffering from a mild case of) 'Driver Tourettes.' On Friday, for example, I was in the car driving up the Seven Hills Road from Weybridge to Cobham and coming round the corner at top speed on the other side of the road was a MASSIVE Tesco lorry. For a fleeting and shit scary moment I thought that I might swerve in front of it, head on collison type thing. Not that I wanted to, au contraire! It's a bit like being on top of a high building and not wanting to stand too close to the edge in case you throw yourself off, by mistake!
Right, I've just eaten the biggest dinner ever. I am off to digest and further consider whether I should actually be on the roads. I miss the easy days of passenger seat driving.
Never Drive Faster than your Guardian Angel can Fly (Author Unknown)
Beep beep!
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Train Blog
Just saw the weirdest thing... A respectable enough lady in her mid 50s hiding in a bush at the train station. Pulling shrubery around her face! Why would you disguise yourself as a shrub? It's not even half past seven in the morning! I'd also like to question the merit of her disguise of choice.
Speaking of the time, I am tired, tired, tired. (Perhaps the lady I saw was a hallucination.)
Just moved to Surrey, can't let the kittens out yet (Delilah and Reggie if you didn't know - keep up!), so they wake up at 3am and decide to spend the next three hours (also known as the crucial psychological and physiological REM sleep time) charging about the flat after one another at 100 miles an hour. What is up with that? Too much energy if you ask me. Don, my lovely neighbour downstairs (he's a magician you know) is bound to be able to hear them. Probably keeping him up too. Shit! He'll probably conjure up a trick to make them disappear! Do you think?.
Oooh just got on the train (this is a live up-to-the minute action blog by the way) and there's a guy sitting near me with his ipod on. Listening to the Fine Young Cannibals. Very loudly. I am fighting the urge to tap him on the shoulder and lecture him about tinnitus. And the fact that the Fine Young Cannibals are neither fine nor young anymore. Hahaha - sorry!
Right I'm off before I say owt else inappropriate. Bet you the label will censor this blog! You'll never read this bit, ever! It will all be for nothing! Freedom of speech! Freedom to dislike the Fine Young Cannibals! You'll know if you didn't get to read this bit when I turn up with a protest placard at the next gig!
Tally ho!
Speaking of the time, I am tired, tired, tired. (Perhaps the lady I saw was a hallucination.)
Just moved to Surrey, can't let the kittens out yet (Delilah and Reggie if you didn't know - keep up!), so they wake up at 3am and decide to spend the next three hours (also known as the crucial psychological and physiological REM sleep time) charging about the flat after one another at 100 miles an hour. What is up with that? Too much energy if you ask me. Don, my lovely neighbour downstairs (he's a magician you know) is bound to be able to hear them. Probably keeping him up too. Shit! He'll probably conjure up a trick to make them disappear! Do you think?.
Oooh just got on the train (this is a live up-to-the minute action blog by the way) and there's a guy sitting near me with his ipod on. Listening to the Fine Young Cannibals. Very loudly. I am fighting the urge to tap him on the shoulder and lecture him about tinnitus. And the fact that the Fine Young Cannibals are neither fine nor young anymore. Hahaha - sorry!
Right I'm off before I say owt else inappropriate. Bet you the label will censor this blog! You'll never read this bit, ever! It will all be for nothing! Freedom of speech! Freedom to dislike the Fine Young Cannibals! You'll know if you didn't get to read this bit when I turn up with a protest placard at the next gig!
Tally ho!
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