Real time blog: 2305 20th April. Bookham.

Bolt upright in bed.

I am lying in bed with my head on the window sill. The cats are also on the window sill. All three of us. On the sill.

The freakiest thing is happening outside. I am fairly scared. Times like this you wish you had a dog. Or a bloke. Or your dad downstairs like the old days!

There is literally a helicopter in my back garden. Its search light is shining in through my window. It is like Chessington World of Adventures at my back door. What the fuck is going on? It's been going round in circles for ten minutes or more.

The cats are freaked out, I am freaked out. We're still on the sill. I text Erika who lives up the road (shout out - best mate) and she's up and can see and hear it too.

This is a live up to the minute blog people. I feel like I am in War of the Worlds! Without the music. Because then I'd be less about the sill and more about the toilet. I hate that sound track. Scary.

Shit! Can they see me? Shit! They're shining it in my face at the window! Shit! What have I done? Shit! Had two glasses of rose in All Bar One at Waterloo with Darren and Phil. I suppose visiting All Bar One is a crime in itself, punishable by surrey police. Officer, officer, it wasn't me - I didn't really go into All Bar One. Darren made me!

Oh here they come round again! - bright lights, bright lights! Maybe I should move away from the window. Are they after me? I am now peeking through the curtains. This is like the bit in the BFG where the little girl gets caught sneaking a peek! Or some other show I've watched online recently.

Might go knock on Don's door. (The magician guy) but maybe they're after Don! Don up to no good with his magic tricks!

Cats have run off to hide. Still circulating. Wish my mum and dad were here! All alone! Deviants here, in Bookham! Is it any wonder I caught a middle aged lady hiding in the bush at the train station last week? It all rings true to me now. Too true.

I've inadvertently moved into the UK's crime hotspot. They all look innocent and law abiding enough. Well, don't try and tell me it's an underage bar drinker. This is full on police camera (me on my blackberry) action.

Oh.

Stopped.

They've gone. So what does that mean? Murderers in Bookham! Wandering the streets in plain clothes like ordinary people! They've only gone and let them get away with it. Given up, shift over, flown home, Krispy Kreme doughnuts en route. Useless! Send prison is only a stone's throw away on reflection. Can of worms!

I'm shutting my windows. Bolting down the hatches. (Not quite the phrase, is it?....).

Tomorrow I'm getting myself a dog. Or a bloke.

Night...... (Hiding under my duvet)

2317 April 20th. Over. And out. But innocent.